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sweetheart last night, does that mean that your relationship is on the rocks?Maybe. Maybe not.Research shows it's how we fight -- where, when,
tone of voice and words we use, whether we hear each other out fairly -- that's critical. A few years ago, they had a serious spat while driving down Interstate 5 in California. The topic was a sore one: His adult daughters from his first marriage. Ms. Bleuel felt her husband paid more attention to them than to her replica sunglasses.Designer SunGlasses
Suddenly, Ms. Bleuel, who was driving, saw red lights flashing behind her. Glancing quickly at her speedometer, she realized she was traveling 96 miles per hour in 65 mph zone. She pulled over, and a policeman approached the car. Before she had a chance to speak, though, her husband said: 'Officer, it is my fault. I was arguing with my wife and she got upset.'Ms. Bleuel, a 64-year-old psychotherapist from Westlake Village, Calif., says that the policeman looked stunned, then replied: 'Oh boy, I know
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The latest findings from his research, published in June in the 'Journal of Family Psychology,' show that couples who reported they had negative communication before marriage -- criticizing each other's opinions, rolling their eyes, leaving the room -- mini-skirts, how to a pack and whether to buy mayonnaise or Miracle Whip. One man said he and his girlfriend argue over whether to argue sunglasses replica.replica sunglasses
Diana Miller, a 65-year-old financial advisor from San Diego, once fought with a former boyfriend over Trout Amandine. She had spent more than an hour preparing it one evening. Her boyfriend loved the dinner, she says, but he became upset when she tossed the leftover wrapper and fish skin in the trash.I couldn't believe how unhappy he became about a potential fish stench when I had just cooked this great meal,' she says.I felt underappreciated and furious.' Ms. Miller responded by stomping her foot and telling her boyfriend that she was going for a walk replica sunglasses.
Why do we do this? For starters, many of us learned by watching our parents have destructive arguments -- or bottle up their anger and give each other the silent treatment. 'The longer a conflict stews, the more likely we are going to get into catastrophe mode,' says Jennifer Samp, associate professor in the speech communication department at the University of Georgia and a fellow at the Institute for Behavioral Research last chaos gold.
'We are mulling it and thinking about it and it will become bigger and scarier and more threatening than if we are able to talk about it if it just comes up,' she says.Dr. Markman has developed a method, for helping couples settle disputes, called the 'speaker-listener technique,' which he details in a newly-revised edition of a book he wrote with several colleagues: 'Fighting for Your Marriage.'He says that couples who have a disagreement should call a 'couple's meeting' to discuss the issue without looking for a solution -- and set a time limit of 15 minutes. They may flip a coin to see who speaks Designer Glasses first.